all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
