you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
