I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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