her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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