Don't make out with my wife yet
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
