Having a random hookup so left but love u
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
