Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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