Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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