it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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