He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
