Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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