I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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