i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
