Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize