she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
