Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
