last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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