ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
