I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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