oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
