She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
