Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
