i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
