I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize