you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
