And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
