Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
