I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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