Umm I'm too high to move.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
