i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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