now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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