Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
