I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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