Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize