Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I did not marry a roomba.
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