youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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