nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
