'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize