i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
