I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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