sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
