In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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