I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
