Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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