I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
