Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize