I'm so fucking centered right now
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
