HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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