Im at strip club and am horny
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's like God shit irony all over that family
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
