Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
