If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Boobs are out for the taking
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
