I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
