I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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