she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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