Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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