A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
