Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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