He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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