so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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