I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
