So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
