whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
is that a dick in a sweater?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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