I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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