Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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