I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize