Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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