haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's never too late to be topless.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
