So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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