i just wanna soil my oats bro
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
