someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
