i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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