I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
