They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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