Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
