I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
