yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
