Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
