A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
