i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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