did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
