i just google imaged poop.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
