You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
