My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
