Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
