She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
