Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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