Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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