i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
